I wonder if we try to cleanse our guilts, our pasts all the time. I wonder if you have done something wrong, something you can never utter, do you do something to clean that wrong, to rinse your soul, to make amends? Or do you just walk away, thinking it another part of a difficult life- thinking you had no choice, thinking you didn't know better? Walking away is so much more easier... but what if you meet that person on the road after 20 years? How would you react? Would you still remember what you did to that person during the time "when you didn't know better"? What if she still remembers it, and along with that memory curses you every night before she goes to sleep? What if she has stopped having any more faith in humans after the wrong that you do... what if that has completely changed her wishes, wants, desires in life? What if that really changed everything in her?
Though i don't believe that there is anything that changes people. I am a firm, rather a strong believer of every person having some "innate" properties, wishes and desires come under the same umbrella. Still, what if... I mean, some things are so strong, so vulnerable at the same time that the difference line becomes blurry, it gets so blurry and so thin that it is quite scary to even think of it. It hurts your eyes because you have to squint so hard to see...
I read pots message today and I don't know why, but i felt so elated when she wrote "you are the most moral person I know". It brings some kind of joy to my life that I have tried to be good, and maybe to some extent been successful as well. i need to study now.
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