the good, the thought and the feeling

It is extremely important to know how expressive your face is, sometimes you fail to realize that there are people, anxiously reading you, your emotions. Maybe it is good to be expressive, but failing to hide your "affected" emotions because of someone else, letting your vulnerable side open up, cutting open the wounds may not be a very bright idea. Is the anger that came up, if it was, why? because you are affected, or because you don't know why should you be affected. Someone knows which nerve to press, someone is using you as a puppet, to see how you react or act, to sense you, to know you and you unconsciously, unknowingly let them read you as though you were some sort of mathematical equation- Some just understand what it means, some just don't.

I always felt that there was some kind of purity in numbers, they stand out, they just are there and no matter how you look at them, they still signify the same thing. You would keep changing the use of the numbers as per your convenience, but they still hold that innate integrity and now matter how you try to interpret them, they exist in their own pure way. It is amazing, and the more amazing part is, numbers don't modify themselves to make it easy or difficult for people to understand them. What an ultimate truth in things- it doesn't change for your convenience, you want to understand it, move ahead the right way, put in that effort and get it. Otherwise, well, nevermind...

The same with people, we are all so "individual" so integral, so "I" that we exert all that force of truth about ourselves to people. It is for them to know how we are, whether they understand, can read us is completely up to them. The only point is, whether they read us or not, we still remain "ourselves", just like numbers. Thats the truth, so despite the fact whether someone understands us or not, we will still be what we are, with our outer layers changing, the inner beings changing. But that particular time, that moment, we are we... and later again we are "we", maybe in a different way. Ultimately it is summation of all those moments of us, where we changed with time that makes a "life of us", but that "oneness" exists in each minute particle, in each moment, thoughts, feelings.

I wonder why would you be affected because someone else is looking "affected". Attraction? Affinity? Empathy? Do you know why it affected you, what did you have, what did the other person have- that ties the both of you. Did you feel it the first time or did the other person "created" that tie, while you were unconscious. It could all be a "game", to entangle you, to take you in captivity or maybe just to experiment with your mind, tease your feelings/thoughts! Or maybe you started the game, maybe unknowingly, and now the other person knows the rules and is playing it against you while you have already forgotten what you started. That would be so sad, isn't it?

Metta!