Gypsie Spirit

I miss the gypsiness in me, how wonderful it was, to throw away the cares, to feel nothing and just walk, walk, walk a little bit more, with some thoughts, munching on memories till they tire out and then get over with... how was the life then, the work, too much work, it was almost like living the moment, almost like a cosmic love, as though i had the glimmer of that ray, that fell from someone else's heart...

it was like restoring the pieces, how did the pain grow, with meaning- it is strange that i can actually get some meaning in my life because someone else is suffering- how sick is that? Sometimes i disgust myself! actually i disgust myself all the time, maybe it is the humour that i try to use as the napkin, to cleanse my conscience... the sickening thought that tries to hold on to the last straw, to find some kind of refuge in someone else's pain! Hoe ironic is it, how disgusting- in one hand i want to see everyone happy and on the other hand it is the same people's sorrow that gives me a purpose to do something- maybe life is itself a big fucking joke!

Run, walk, for all those, whose life you have touched, and maybe at some point if i ever have been able to bring some kind of happiness to someone, i might be able to forgive myself for being me....