I wonder how an alcoholic feels, when he has quit drinking, decided never to go back to it again, and then sees a big bottle of whiskey on the table. Would he keep staring at the bottle to see if who wins in the battle of determination and temptation, or would he stare with that curious mind wondering what about the bottle was so tempting? Or maybe he would try to look at something else, so that he can try to distract himself, while the temptation just lingers in his head for a long long time?

I wonder what Buddha would have said to this- if you want to drink, maybe you should just go ahead and not force yourself against your wishes, or Buddha would quietly watch the man, who is torn apart by that Whiskey? maybe Buddha would say, you are still not ready to do what you want to do, meditate, learn about yourself a little more- the deeper wants and deep you is not out yet.

What would the man do if Buddha was standing next to him, would he try to read Buddha's mind and get that unspoken message out? Would he try to analyse the situation and read the lines between the half meditative eyes of the enlightened one? Would he be mad that Buddha was not telling him what he should be doing, while the enlightened one just stands there and smiles with his ever-compassionate smile? How would all of that work out?

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We always need answers to questions, whether we are ready for it or not, sometimes answers allow us to let go of things. Even if Buddha would have said "go ahead and drink if you want to", the man would think many times before he decides to shrug away the temptation, but he wants Buddha to answer his dilemma, not just stand there and smile. It is frustrating to not hear back, it is frustrating when someone doesn't give you answers, no matter how useless they are. Why do we need that kind of reconfirmation?

Sometimes even when you know that something is not what you want, it becomes more tempting, you want it a little, maybe for the fun of it, maybe for the excitement. But then, it will end, somehow, it always has ended. What is so sexy about something so uncertain, risky and maybe painful? Maybe we all are masochistic in our own ways, and we prove it all the time. Some are drawn to the physical pain, some to the mental and some to emotional. No wonder you want to solve that physics problem though you know your brains will hurt, and you might not be able to do it, but you don't want to settle for less. You want to chase the person who you know is unreachable and will probably hurt you along the way. You want to do that back hurting exercise even though your body will be sore for the next week. It is not the end result that you are looking for, it is the process that is exciting, charming! So, what if you solved the problem, so what that you have this person in your life now, so what if you reached the top of the mountain? Now what? The focus, the strength, the pain was all that was there, something that made you feel so alive, so brave and so good- as though you were a part of something bigger, and incomprehensible than yourself. It is good to get the answer, but the process of learning was more important!

I don't know...